...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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