I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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