Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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