Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
