Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
