respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
