you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
