apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
