She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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