Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
