She is in my trunk
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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