I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
