There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
