I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
