I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
