Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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