Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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