3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
