Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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