I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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