wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
