Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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