I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
