all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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