yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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