As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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