Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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