Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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