So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
