two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
