u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize