So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
