someone threw a dead crab at me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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