I got chris browned last night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
