you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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