I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
smell my finger.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
