well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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