oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
