maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
