Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
