Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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