Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
