guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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