Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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