I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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