I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize