I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
