yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
