i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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