at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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