Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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