My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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