My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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