my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
