i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
