Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
