There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
