im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
