she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
