Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
