i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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