I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
