How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
