mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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