Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
