Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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