So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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