Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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