White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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