oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize