he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
