My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
