I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
