wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
