I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
