I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
