I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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