Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
