can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
