ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
