btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
